A day in the life of James Cavanaugh - or a few

My Dating Story – Page 2

Picking up where we left off – I have dated a decent amount of women over the past 2 years and I have learned a lot about what I am looking for. 

Sometimes I’m looking the wrong way (yea that’s me).

Attraction is important – I feel like if I am not attracted, it’s just not going to work (I would assume vice-versa).  Seems like a no-brainer, but there was someone I dated based on her background as a techie, and the idea that we would have wonderful intellectual conversations.  That didn’t work.

Smell is important – if I were to give you a list of everything I was looking for at the time, this girl checked all the boxes.  She wasn’t a super model rocket scientist, but cute with a solid head on her shoulders and a great attitude.  Unfortunately, she had this smell that I just couldn’t get over.  It really impacted our sex life, and my desire for her.  I didn’t realize smell compatibility was a thing before…it is. 

I smell after hockey…but it goes away after I shower ;). 

Touch is important – I am finding many people are familiar with the 5 love languages, so I don’t need to explain myself as much on what they are…Touch is one of mine.  I really enjoy falling asleep spooning, or intertwining legs while watching a movie, or just rubbing shoulders sitting while we watch the sunset.  My ex used to complain about being too hot, or uncomfortable, and I would say that lack of touch drained on me a lot. 

Quality Time is important – This would be the second most important love language for me.  I really appreciate when someone is willing to make time to spend together.  If we are together and you are tuning me out, by typing on your iPad for hours on end while I drive us around a foreign country on the wrong side of the road with no GPS…that would bother me a lot.  I’ll be the first to admit that my schedule is super busy and I don’t expect my significant other to drop everything to spend time with me, but there needs to be a balance.  If we want to constantly do different things in our free time (not spending time together), it’s not going to work.  Corollary to that is if I am taking time out of my schedule to spend with you, I want it to be engaging. 

A Growth Mindset – This one may not be common, but it is very important to me.  When I have children, I want them to be brought up with a growth mindset and I would like their mother to have that as well.  What I mean by this is that typically people fall into 2 categories, growth mindset or fixed mindset.  A fixed mindset person would typically view their skills as natural talent (or natural disadvantage – ‘I’m not good at Math’), where as a growth mindset person views their abilities to be mold-able into whatever they focus their energy into.  I think there is always a spectrum on this, and this is something that can change, but I get frustrated easily with girls that fall into a fixed mindset. 

Children – I want kids.  I feel like I am at a stage in my life where I would like to start a family.  If you were to ask me 5 years ago where I would be now, I would probably assume I already had children.  So I would say that if you don’t want kids, or you don’t want kids in the next 5 years, that probably won’t work for me.  I don’t want to be 60 when my kid turns 21…and I’m 33 now (basic math is also a requirement for me).  That being said, you have kids…not ideal, but not a deal breaker.  My preference is no kids initially, and the reason for that is two fold. One, I don’t want to negotiate with another father, which would dictate where we live, how long we can leave etc.  Second reason, I want us to spend time 1 on 1 before being tied up with a child.  I’ve met some wonderful mothers, but at the end of the day, it’s always a barrier. 

Religion – I am an atheist.  My family is religious (raised catholic), some of my family is very religious(my cousin is studying to be a priest), but I am not.  I am a strong believer in common moral values, but I don’t believe we need a divine power to establish those morals.  I don’t look down on believers, and have had great relationships with women that are religious.  However, if you are religious, it will be in the back of my head that we are not aligned on our beliefs, and I would prefer that we are.  The corollary to this is that if you don’t believe in God, but you believe in ghosts/spirits that are haunting you or need to be eradicated (this happened), our relationship probably won’t work. 

I recognize I have highlighted many things which won’t work for me, and sometimes you meet someone that you just click with and I am willing to sacrifice.  As with everything in life, there are trade offs and opportunity costs.  If you made it this far and you think you might be a good match for me. Send me a message on IG: Something_creative27.

If you aren’t sold on me yet, maybe you’d like to read more about me on page 3.